Ariana's Official Blog.
What: Coffee break
Listening to: Happy - nevershoutnever
Wearing: Sequined Jersey Tank
Sundays are beeeyond boring. I headed over to the cafe to grab some coffee. Chanel, Kat, Dani, and some girl named Iris were there. Im starting to realize there are many people at LCA who slip under my radar and go unnoticed. Basically, everyone at the cafe bored me to tears...so i left and continued my day.
I hung out in my room for awhile, trying to think of a good song to write. ugh. writers block. NOTHING came to mind. Before i had so much inspiration...about love and breakups and good times, and bad...but now...nothing. And its really pissing me off because music is my way to express myself.
Later, i decided to take a walk around campus. I had nothing better to do. As i turned the corner, I saw a boy and a girl making out up against the wall. "Get a room," I murmered under my breath. They seperated heads to see who had boldly interrupted them. "Shitt." I grumbled, when i saw who it was. Cameron and his girlfriend, i think her name was Valerie or Veronika or something. "Hi." Cameron said sharply. I nodded in response, as if i didn't have the time to talk to him. I started to walk away, like this was no big deal, but on the inside i was breaking down. I longed for Cameron to kiss me in that way again.
"Ariana wait!" Cameron called after me. I kept walking, although i could hear his footsteps getting closer, and closer. "Ariana please!" He sounded desperate, " I just want to talk. Please." I sighed, turned around and waited for him to catch up. He led me around the next corner of the building and stood me up against the wall, his hands rested on my shoulders, like he needed to hold me there or i would run. "What." I said, my voice cold. "I'm sorry. For everything and i re-" He began. " Stop. Save your breath, because whatever you have to say is not important enough." I said. "No, Ariana please. just let me say what i need to say." Cameron begged. I waited, so he continued. "I shouldn't have cheated on you, or lied to you, or written all of those songs. The truth...the real truth is that i DID love you, but i was commited to two people at once. You ARE the better girl, and i don't deserve you at all. Veronika is a peice of trash, but she is the only girl who does deserve me, because i'm just as low as she is. I wish i never hurt you the way i did, but i was...i AM in love with you. Nothing will ever change that, but i know i can never have you. I've been dying to hold you in my arms and kiss you again, but i screwed up. I'm sorry."
I leaned against that wall, taking in what Cameron had just said, and i broke down. I let my tough disguise break, and i let the tears i had been holding in fall down my cheeks in streams. I hiccuped and tried to breathe, but it was overwhelming. Cameron pushed me up against the wall and kissed me, hard. He kissed me like he never did before, not sweet and soft, but like he wanted me bad. I kissed back and let his hands go up my shirt. After what seemed like hours we pulled away, and stared at what we couldn't have...eachother. "I love you." Cameron whispered. I held my breath but said shakily, "I love you too." I really did, but i knew i couldnt trust him after everything. We walked away from eachother awkwardly, and my head was spinning. What the hell just happened?
Writers block no more.